Lessons In Leadership
Reflections of my personal growth as a leader and the Shondaland characters that inspire me to stay the course.
In the spring of 2020, I found myself with a lot of idle time on my hands (didn’t we all), so I decided I would finally check off an item of my never-ending to-do list and read “Year of Yes” by possibly the most incredible woman in Hollywood, Shonda Rhimes. Well, I listened to it on Audible, but you get the point. While on my listening journey, I was motivated by Shonda’s personal challenge to open herself up and accept every request and opportunity set before her. Some of those requests were liberating, others demanding, but all were for the better. I wanted to be liberated, too. I also wanted to try new things. I wanted to be a better woman! Okay, Shonda, challenge accepted. YES! Let’s do this.
Keep Calm
Though I practiced saying “yes” to many things after finishing the book, my biggest yes was the decision to run for president of my young professional's organization, The Exchange at the Indianapolis Urban League. The election process pulled me so far out of my comfort zone that I saw my fear and anxiety soar to heights. I stressed about things that didn’t typically bother me, and that stress didn’t subside after I won the election. I knew that I had to build our new leadership team, and I couldn’t take my burdens to the table with me, so I looked to my girl Meredith Grey for some perspective. Keeping calm and poised under pressure is kind of her thing, and though this isn’t general surgery, I needed that thing.
This past year and a half posed many challenges: technology woes, learning to keep up energy and engagement in a remote world, trying to lead while learning, etc. I noticed that navigating relationships with high-strung leaders while attempting to overcome these challenges didn’t bode well for the team, so I knew that I needed Meredith’s energy in order to be successful in my new leadership role.
Better Together
Admittedly, I’ve experienced the frustrations of pressing through growing pains, but I’ve learned not to let those pains hinder progress. I have been in positions where I needed more guidance to complete projects, and instead of receiving the help I sought, I was left to fend for myself. We’ve all been there, but when it came to my team NO ONE was getting left behind. When the teachings of Annalise Keating Esq. are applied, you learn that in order to build better leaders, you must give space to fail, reflect, and try again. This ensures we remain accountable to one another and the mission. We fall together, and we get up together.
Believe in Yourself
I spent the better part of 2019 talking to myself about all of the reasons I wasn’t equipped for this role and how staying in my lane as a supporting character would be way more comfortable and stress-free. The pestering voice in my head attempted to pull me out of the race before I began. That voice is still as loud as ever, but I’ve found renewed strength to persevere by channeling real-life fraudster, Anna Sorokin. No, not by conning my friends, but by having the unshakable belief that I deserve to be here. I have faced challenge after challenge, have been painfully picked apart, and often still feel a bit lonely, but I’m no imposter - this experience was specially crafted just for me. Self-doubt can feel like being trapped in quicksand, but I’m finding it a better use of energy to consider it a motivator to do the things I told myself I couldn’t.
No?
I took the challenge of saying “YES” too far when I found myself not having enough alone time – not just time spent by myself, but time by myself where I didn’t have to think about the next project or event. I spent more time checking my calendar than being fully present for the things that I would schedule. Even after finding kidnappers, solving murders, and falling in love with the POTUS, Olivia Pope still makes time to wind down in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn and a glass of red wine, right? Being a leader is not about constantly being on the go. It’s about making self-care a priority and finding ways to fill your cup so you can pour into others. I don’t remember Shonda covering that… It’s okay to pass on opportunities when you know you’re at capacity. You’ll be doing yourself a great service and, most importantly, you won’t do a disservice to others by not being available to fully put your all into the work.
For me, defining leadership is not limited to the aforementioned points. I want to lead with compassion like Daphne Bridgerton, have the confidence of Dr. Miranda Bailey, and embody the bravery of Lieutenant Andy Herrera. I haven’t gotten it all right, but I know when it comes time for the next level of my development, I will have mastered the lessons set before me.
When we had the session with our current cohort of The Exchange Leadership Fellows Program about identifying the board of directors, a fellow shared that I was on the board. I didn’t know how to take it because I couldn’t see the impact my new role would allow me to make, and often leaders won’t – not immediately. So what have I learned by saying “yes”? My yes has the power to encourage someone else to chart their own path forward. That is the ultimate lesson.